So mom and dad have been hounding about what I'm going to do with my life since I'm not doing much. The plan was always to go back to school. But now its back to do med school do pharm school... do something your going to resent for the rest of your fucking life because we said so... but don't do something you want to do because its not good enough for us. I swear its my moms mission in life to piss me off. I finally cave and buy one of those study guides and she's on my ass the very next day like I'm going to read it and know everything. And now she's like oh yeah sign up for those sociology classes so you don't miss out on them. WTF does she want me to do one or the other cause fuck if I'm doing both and she wants to know why I get all pissed about it.. I dunno maybe its because no matter what I do its never going to be good enough or maybe its the fact that she doesn't fuckin listen when I speak so I don't have anything to say to her without getting pissed its the 19th time I've said the same damn thing. And then she gets mad at me and tells me I need to remove the anger from my life... and then proceeds to tell me I dont care about my life and what happens to me and that I need to stop wasting my time doing stupid stuff and concentrate on what I need to do because the last 2 years of my life have been a waste... and that fact it took me 5 years to finish college is my fault because I was wasting time and why am I not embarrassed that it took me that long to get my BA, because she is.

You know what I need is for her to back the fuck off... I'm study to take her fucking tests and go to her fucking med school and spend the rest of my life doing shit I probably wont like, and all she sees is that I go out. I need her to make up her fucking mind because I've already accepted that nothing I do is ever going to be good enough for them.. I just want them to shut the fuck up and giving in is the only way I can ensure that. Yes I know that doesn't make sense. Yes I know I that I shouldn't cave to their stupidity. What I don't get is why she doesn't understand that she is the one that puts me in my shitty moods when I was just fine.. and why she continues to annoy the fuck outta me when I'm clearly ready to throw shit at her. She doesn't pay attention or know what the fuck I'm talking about anyway so whats the fucking point? oh yeah to be a giant pain in my ass because she thinks the more she talks at me the more I'll listen and do it.. which is so not the way I work. The more you tell me to do shit.. the more in my mind I'm telling you to go fuck yourself. So much for my inner zen.

So here I am its 2 am in a hotek room full of strangers makin out and all I wanna do is go home. I'm tired don't know where I'm going and I've been up since 9
8 and went to bed at 3 plus I'm drunk and so over it. Why did my parents teach me manners? If I was a normal person I'd leave ppl here its proof of what's wrong with the world

So caved and got a crackberry. It's pretty addicting,but canon make posts from my phone. Short posts but posts the same. I watched buffy with Myranda last night she kinda loves it. More she loves angel but who doesn't. Not much else going on working at the motel kinda boring but whatever. The greatest thing about my phone is the notes\memo function. Cause I'm alway writing notes to myself on the backs of receipts. Well that's about it on this thing. My hands aren't used to this phone they cramp up easy. K I go.

I know I said I was going to post more often like once a week. But seeings how I don't do anything most days... I find it unnecessary to post how much of a loser I am. There's no need to rub it in. Anywho.. I'm heading home for a couple weeks... check on the family..deliver some presents and of course see my friends. Not too much else going on... sad to say.

I've been consumed by media and television. I watch a sickly amount of tv both online and cable. I think I might need to stop because its not like any of it is that good. I watch reruns of old classics like roswell most days but only the first season is posted so yeah it gets old. I hit up Buffy and Angel as well.

My halloween idea didn't really pan out this year. And I'm sad because I love the halloween but I'm being lazy. I feel like its too much to keep track of going home and all and its too much money that I don't have. I'm trying not to spend unless I have to and this year I don't think its going to be worth it. I have my costume from last year. and I'm too lazy to try and be creative this year. Guess thats about it. I'm pretty excited to see people at home. I just hope it doesn't turn into one of those I have to see everyone in 3 days things. I'm kinda over that so I told everyone I want to see that I'm coming home.. everyone else.. ehh not that I don't love you guys but I just don't want to be driving all over. I'm flying home if you want to see me you can make the time I guess.

And I'm done

My sister lent her house to her co-ed frat tonight. Tonights pledge meeting... although observing as an outsider is girls night... first some minor teasing in the basement and than the entertainment arrived... let me give you the equation... booze + stripper = pledge fun and my worst nightmare. You know how I don't like people especially really loud stupid people. Needless to say my head hurts and they arn't going anywhere they are after all "family". I'm suckin it up.

I keep disappearing into my sisters bed room they don't seem to notice when I disappear but my head is starting to hurt and I think the really big strong drink I made myself is not helping with my current feeling of nausea. I'm pretty tired although I slept pretty well last night. I wish you could hear the house right now... It's totally drunk chick central. Also another reason for me to stay in this room and not out there.

I'm planning on going to St. Louis Oktoberfest tomorrow. People like to start things early here. My friends are going at like noon... and I'm sleeping til like 1. so fuck that I'll meet up with them there.

I know I'm even shocking myself with the lack of usage and than sudden up take. Most people know whats going on with me but I feel like I should keep better track of myself these days so I'm going to make an effort to post more often, and on that note here I go.

I live with my sister in St.Louis. Had my first interview for a grown up job today, and of course I got lost on my way to the facility but the position is a Research Assistant at a company called Metabolix. They create bioplastics from corn and other plants like sugarcane from a material called Miral. Very cool stuff. Don't know if I got the position but it was a cool place to learn about all the same.

I watch lots of tv these days its kinda sick when I think about it so I'm not going to mention all the stuff I watch but I will say that heroes is awesome, sons of anarchy is definitely etching a space into my heart, Fringe is awesome and my boy is on it so also a plus.

My sleep habits are kinda off still but somedays I get good sleep. My hair is growing out from an unfortunate incident with my sisters hair chick. It looked pretty good today which was awesome.

I'm mastering the art of some of my favorite Indian food because I have nothing to do most days, I cook. Its a curse really, cause it tastes awesome and I <3 eating. I think thats about it as far as my life goes. I go out with my sisters friends it's pretty fun but I miss going out in a T-shirt and jeans and drinkin beer while just sittin around.

So first off, is it exceptable to ask someone out on an official date through text messageing? That being said... I think I may have said yes to said to a text message ask out. If thats what you would call it. I guess we'll see hopefully I won't be wearing my I'm a bitch pants and we can figure it out.

I think tv shows have gone down the crapper. Grey's is getting kinda sloppy but there a few decent shows still. Ugly betty, October road well thats all i got because I don't get to watch tv that much but I do watch those online. I'm kinda upset that the black donnelly's got pulled not sure why if anyone knows fill me in. I've been watching movies all week. Finally saw miami vice... awful but colin is pretty so I watched. Lets see I saw idiocracy also not so great, Because I said so which was cute, could have been better but eh whatever. Also watched the divinci code that was intersting i think i liked it. Oh and holiday that was cute. didn't really see anything that made me go o yeah that was freakin awesome but ehh whatever. Oh wait there are more... the prestiege that was intersting... casino royale... harsh times that was aweful... didn't even finsih it it was that bad.. and went and saw hot fuzz that was good. Made me laugh which was much appreciated. Ahh well i guess one day i'll stop letting my add take over. but i have again lost the battle today.

peace out


i know this thing is full of spelling errors but i gotta run so no time to fix it.

You know what i can't seem to understand, is why its ok for other people to drop you but its not ok for you to drop them? Why is it that when they have things that become priority's its understandable for them to bail on you, but the second you start to have a life and priority's they get pissed.

People are idiots. and i've finally just come to the conclusion that i just don't care anymore. divorce your wives, fuck their friends, drink yourself into a stupor because at this point, it's nothing new, and i've lost my ability to care one way or the other.

besides my priority's have changed, your not at the top of my list, shit your not even on it anymore. happy thought, i'm going to breaking benjamin for my birthday present to myself this year yay!.

I didn't realize how good it was going to feel to not care anymore, I no longer owe people anything, because they have already made up their minds about me, so here we go, I don't have to watch myself around you anymore. And it feels good, really fuckin good, so watch yourselves kids because if you don't watch your step you're going to get burned oh yeah did i mention i have the matches? opps oh well. guess you'll find out. and the true beauty of it all is that i don't have to do anything because karma's a bitch, she takes forever to roll around but when she does, its oh so sweet.

So I used to be able to get the shit I had to get done completed. But now i'm sitting in my place... slightly hung over, and i'm trying to motivate myself so i can get my shit done. But than again i'm still pretty tired so i don't know if i'm supposed to try or just sleep it off.

Um lets see. Saw jimmy earlier this week, he told me i'm a jackie. I'm not sure how that works out but um ok i guess, because i can't ever really figure out what i am so a jackie is an answer at least.

went out last night... that was interesting it was fun but it wasn't at the same time i dunno i think maybe i need to take a break from it all. but than again what am i going to do to waste time? oh well guess i'll figure it out someday.

ok well i guess i'm out mostly because there is too much stuff going on and its distracting me. that and i'm not really sure what else i have to vent about.

so i should be studying but i did that all day, went and had a few drink, now i'm sitting at my computer. Oh got talked into driving in a demolition derby this summer. Pretty excited about it actually mostly because its destructive and oh man I like that alot. plus looks like we're drink all week long... hmm ok well its like 9 and i'm going to go to bed and get up early to study. wish me luck

So this week is supposed to be spring break.But its not its next week. And as often as i keep telling myself that it's next week i can't seem to make myself believe it. In my mind spring break is right now and all i want to do is go out and have fun. I want to be in st louis having fun. I want to be anywhere but here. Go figure.

I want to go to damian rice on may 5. That day however is also the same day that graduation is and as much as I don't care other people do. Too bad i'm choosing my fetish for solo artists over them. I know its shitty and really just don't care.

So my to do list:
Finish plant paper 1, start paper 2
Finish mock exam and study guide
study for plant exam
Do laundry
pack for st louis

Can't wait to be out of school and not have to do this shit anymore. I'd like to say I enjoy this junk but thats a big fuckin lie. I FUCKING HATE IT! and if it were up to me I'd be on my way to a good job with good pay with out having to take classes like genetics, cell bio, and whatever else bullshit class they can come up with.

Did i ever mention how our school blows and I hate it. I'm pretty sure that if i had the chance to change policy i would. We would get the breaks we needed like three day weekends and just a few days off for thanksgiving break. 4 weeks for winter instead of 5. I think its worth it, seeings how you're less likely to kill yourself if this is the case. This isnt the ramblings of a crazy girl mad at the world no, its a study confirmed by cambridge university that shows that long stretches of school, leads to stress which tends to make students depressed and kill themselves. Yep too bad higher education doesnt give a shit about students killing themselves as long as their tuition is paid.

My sister called yesterday and before i really knew what was going on she had bought me a plane ticket to st. louis. So i'm going to st. louis for a week which is always good and bad. Its great becaues it gets me out but it sucks because i have to come back and more times than not i don't want to. Good thing is that i'm still kinda packed from last time i was out there. Now the big issue is going to be telling my parents. That'll be interesting. Not that they care that much but whatever. I mean i guess i would like to hang out here but really i don't want to. I like going away and coming back feeling kinda refreshed and kinda pissed that i had to come back.

Went out for Fat tuesday... not such a good idea now that i think about it but totally worth it well until the double vision kicked it. Than not so much. plus that whole making an ass out of myself in front of lots of people.. that was not so much the fun either but whatever i'm going with the whole everybody does it so its ok plus something else has to have happened since then so eh whatever.

Got so much crap to be done in the next few days. Too bad none of it is stuff i really want to do. but i want to be done with it so i'm trying to on the ball and what not. but i'm sitting her today and i'm pretty sure i should be doing stuff and i'm not doing anything really. I'm sitting around my place watching bad tv. eatting a bunch of crap because i'm a bottemless pit today. OK so i go to stare at tv and than fall alseep only to rise and watch my day drone on and on til it ends again and begins over. its a cycle i'm not too fond of *sigh* ok well i go. later days

one more day to study for my exams. Wahoo. then i get to do a lab write up and another exam... and than a paper... but in between that stuff there is second city... and a trip to foco and some other random crap. which i'm kinda excited about but for the most part i'm trying to stay focused. The hard part is the focusing thing... if you've ever met me or read other posts my train of thought is not so steady. I have a brain like pinky from pinky and the brain. i think of one thing that lead to another and another and i end up with cheese. oh well ok so i guess i should go finish studying and what not so i can get a decent amount of sleep and not freak the fuck out tomorrow which i will anyway but you know whatever.... asta

So I survived the super bowl. I'm growing up because last year was a complete disaster and I know it was so there was no repeat of those activities. I spent my time working at the school and playing pool. Let me just throw this out there I love pool hall junkies and cannot for the life of me play a good game of pool, but thats my life.

I have exams coming up and of course I don't want to study but I have to because I am determined to do well.


So my response to the top ten celebrity crushes is as follows..
1.Patrick Dempsey ... Ronald Miller, Can't Buy Me Love
2.Shah Rukh Khan... Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge
3.Saif Ali Khan... Ye Dillagi...
4.John Cusack... Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything
5.Norman Reedus/Sean Patrick Flanery..MacManus Brothers, The BoonDock Saints
6.Milo Ventimiglia... Jess, Gilmore Girls
7.Charlie Hunnam... Pete Dunham,Green Street Hooligans
8.Ed Norton... Tyler Durden, Fight Club
9.Jeremy Piven.. Paul Spericki, Grosse Pointe Blank
10.Dane Cook.. Comedian..

So those are the majors for now... i know the line up is strange.. but if you know me its not that odd. I know i'm blowing some minds but hey it what I do. But i will explain a bit before I go..

number 1 i've been in love with since i was like 8 and he stared in all those quirky 80's flicks before falling off the radar in the 90's he was a nerd and i loved him.
Number 2. hello indian man with hair and dimples and oh my god i love him ... not to mention the story line for the movie pretty much made the love concrete.
3.He was the star in the first movie i went to see in india. He was pretty and that smile plus the movie turned out to be one of my favorites
4. if you don't know lloyd your missing out. He's sweet... smart.. and in love. plus only straight men hate him... because he has ruined all women around the world because most women think that when the camera turns off john is lloyd. and they like it.. most men are not like lloyd and thats is what women want.
5.ok these guys should probably be higher on the list but i'm going by how long i have loved people so this is how its going down... anyway.. my boondock saints.. they kill bad guys they look amazing in black trench coats and uh hello accents. really these guys are why i went to ireland and may possibly be the only way i'll get married.
6. Who doesnt love milo he's cute and little and angry. He played jess and i fell in love with him. He was pissed at the world but sweet to his girl and i liked it. even when he was a jerk i was like its ok i love you. and now he's on heroes and well hello he's kickin ass and taking names.
7. Pete duhnam he's hot he's english he kicks ass and can take a punch i'm not going to lie that is so hot. If you can take a hit OMG... i love you
8. hello he takes hits and he imagined his alter ego into reality...
9. who is ever going to forget that sarcasm um plus a little statement i refer to fondly... Lets hug it out.... lets just hug it out..
Ok so thats the end of that madness but you asked so I answered.
10. Dane Cook.. THe only other man stencil i will marry.. if you act like dane.. and kinda look like him too... I will marry you. He's freakin hysterical and uh yeah really hot. King of the B and E... nothing fights and ofcourse Bouncer for the BK lounge.

Oh so I have a question I want eveyone to answer... ready...
A girl and her sister are at they're mother's funeral and one girl meets a guy and she's really attracted to him .. they do not exchange names or numbers. The girl than goes home and kills her sister. Why did the girl kill here sister?


I'll tell you the answer later I just want to know what you think.

And on that note I think its bed time..
asta

I have thoughts circling in my head. Like sharks circling chum dropped by fisherman, I have thoughts circling in my brain nipping at memories and triggers causing flashbacks and stirring my emotions that have been long bottled away. They are eating at my brain, slowly taking it out with strategic bites so there is no initial pain but soon it starts to sting, and swell with localized fever.

I keep trying to distract myself, not that its hard hello ADD, but I keep coming back to these thoughts. My face is a dead give away that i'm thinking of other stuff it changes from one thought to the next like channel surfing. It is truely amazing how many faces a person can make without realizing they are making them. Guess thats why people watching is so great. Even without speaking to a person you can tell how they feel that they're happy or annoyed or sad or daydreaming... its like watching tv, except it's live.

I think my head might be the end of me. Awhile back juls and I we're going out on one of our weekly excursions to retrieve food when I was complaining about something... I was again overthinking the situation and as she sat there and watched me rant she realized that if anyone wanted to take me out... all they had to do was play a mind game. True as it is... i'm a quick study and I'm not prone to playing other peoples games. I play my own. And these games I play to win.

So now i'm sitting and my mind is being attacked from the inside. Little brain ninjas are wearing me down and i'm going to explode at some point. all we have to do is wait for the fireworks. Its been nearly a year since my last psychotic episode. I'm really hoping it doesnt come to that again.

Had another classic friday night at the highest. stalker aside... goodtime were had. Friends were made. Booze was drank and of course thrown up. Looks like i'm heading to the fort on the 23rd. The time has been penciled in. Now only the phone calls remain ofcourse there-in lies the problem. I am not so good with the phone. but my life has been threatened and ergo i will make the bloody phone calls to the people who will after all is said and done blow me off anyway.

I keep getting really tired and really tired means more time for me to lay around thinking. I'm trying to study and I just keep thinking. At somepoint i'm going to figure out how to deal with it or make it go away. clearly drinking only makes the thinking worse don't ask how that works just know that it does and yes it blows.

guess its true... sometimes fate just up and fucks ya for no reason... believe me when i say this because i have had one of the most karamacidal weeks ever.

I'm learning to live with it. plus i'm in negotiations with the dark prince... i will rule with an iron fist... and of course balloon animals

So it haven't made a post in a while so i thought i should for personal reasons. You know how your not supposed to do things for personal gain but than why do anything? you know after a while doing things for yourself is just better for you in the end than helping someone who's completely ungrateful. just a thought.

So i tried to make peace with my computer.. it said fuck you. so now i wait til i have time to take my computer to either best buy or the schools help desk.

I have lots of reading to do for school the problem comes from lack of motivation and i have the chance to not be so behind i want to kill myself.. so whats my problem? I'm guessing its the whole i like to fuck myself over so that in the end i panic and do poorly because somewhere along the lines i went from wanting to do well to not wanting to do well... or thinking that maybe i don't need or deserve to do well? who knows i'm a loon like i don't like to dance.. which i don't but i do.. its just because i don't like to draw attention to myself because dancing draws attention to me and i don't like to draw attention. again i'm a really strange one.

my sister has told me to graduate get a job doing what i want and never tell my parents what exactly it is i do. I'm thinking about it... also she has suggested i play on the whole i can tell a kickass story bit of my personality... now if i could sit still long enough to write a book that wasnt so fucking ADD.. i might get somewhere... just never telling my family i wrote it.. i'll have a pen name.. and i may or maynot share it with people.. who knows.. i like the idea of being known and completely anonymous at the same time.
so i watched the zefrank and he said that one way to improve the memory thing is to get lots of sleep.. but i think i'm getting too much and its making me more tired.. so i think that my body is like hooray after 6 hrs so thats what i'm trying to go with... don't know what's going to happen but that the fun of being me plus i'm a science student which mean i should be used to asking myself if something works... why or why not and all that good studious junk... so ok i guess i'm outta here going to attempt to read some junk... so i can be smart and get good grades and show my parents i'm not a giant fuck up...

So its monday hoooray... which means only 4 days til friday! which is consequently hawaiian shirt day so if you feel it go with it.

other news... umm that dude that i've been kinda talking to is offically creepy and i'm done with him.

um guess my rents are going to india to which my response was ok.

i kinda feel like telling everyone to fuck off lately... like i don't have my own shit to deal with your calling to tell me that i don't call you enough hmm yeah let me drop everything to rectify the situation in which you feel a college student that doesnt have time to eat let alone call her parents needs to drop everything and call you to see how you're doing. Question 1 how selfish are you. question 2 are you that out of your fucking mind that you think i'm the only one who should call and see how your doing... uh hello its phone works two ways... get over yourself... question 3 what about me and how i'm doing you asshole! like what is it with people thinking that the world revolves around them... i don't think this... hell i know better and altho i have my selfish moments i'd like to tell everyone that i am not a selfish twat. i know the world doesnt revolve around me and really i'm ok with that. i know this so why is it that you think i don't.

lets see i guess that about it. i just don't get why people are all of sudden like why don't you call us and why this and why that? dont you think i deserve a little fucking time for me?! i'm so sick of doing shit for other people. i'm sorry you feel i let you down. i
don't. I'm sorry you feel like i'm not being a good friend to you. but your not exactly callling to see how i'm fucking doing now are you? I'm sorry you think i have all this time to just do whatever whenever. I do not have time to watch you get drunk and drive you to someone's house that i don't want to be at. I'm sorry you bought tickets to a show that i can't go to even though i gave you fair warning your still all fucking but hurt about it. I'm sorry left the bar with out saying goodbye. but i was tired and you were nowhere to be found. I'm sorry you think i'm being selfish. I don't. I'm sorry your not the person i thought you were. becuase the person i thought you were would never ever be so out of control. I'm sorry you thought you couldn't tell me you thought you needed help because you thought i wouldnt understand. I am sorry i wasnt there for you when i should have been. I'm sorry i can't be there for you now because i need to be here for me.
but i tell you what i'm not sorry for the choices i've made or the reaction you've had. I think that somewhere along the way i went being the girl that was just there because she had nothing to do. but i'm not that girl anymore. I know that i don't know everything and i don't know what to do all the time. but i do know that i can no longer spend my time trying to do shit for people that isn't going to help me anymore. I know that is selfish. but i can't remember the last time you asked me how i was or how you could help me. so yeah i guess i am a bad friend but really i dont care. your not exactly awesome either. guess we'll just have to cut our losses and go our own ways. maybe this time it'll stick.

so i'm sitting here at home. i know sounds exciting right... like i'm thinking about doing some reading for school but i kinda just want to go to bed even tho its only nine something. i could watch more tv but i feel over loaded on the tube. that can't be good. i don't know what to do with myself.guess i could go back to scrubs... i like scrubs which is a great show my sister hates it but wtf does she know? for the record my sister knows nothing about good tv. why you say? because back when 24 started and A & E did 24 hrs of 24 she told me i was stupid for watching and what is she addicted to now? why yes that is keffier sutherland being a badass on tv and and yes the show is over a 24 hr period of time. ehh i think thats pretty much all i have to say ohh wait... no i had more ready ok
so i have all these friends who are really in touch with their feelings. ok i know thats what girls like and all but i'm not a normal girl and really would like to point out that there is nothing wrong with a guys guy. i dont care how your feeling.. i don't want to tell you how you going out makes me feel. and i don't give a shit what you do when you do it or why your doing it. i am not your keeper, or mother or your girlfriend (thank god or there would be some serious domestic violence issues goin on).
don't get me wrong i think its great that guys are getting more in touch with their feelings wahoo great for you but if your having one of those moments where you think its ok to tell me about how your dad ran over your dog when you were a kid your dead fucking wrong. heres how it is. I dont care. and if you pay me $300 to listen to you whine bitch and cry about it i'll listen but until then shut the fuck up and go see someone who is paid to give a shit cuz i sure as fuck don't.

let me tell you what i will be ok with. I will be ok with someone who goes out and does whatever he wants with his friends. who is perfectly ok when i do the same. I would will be really really happy with a guy who is emotionally unavailable. I don't care how you feel as long as you don't care how i feel. I if i want you to know i'll make sure to tell you. do people like this still exist? i'm thinking no because most of my friends are girls trapped in boy bodies. there's nothing wrong with that is there? i don't think so.
ok i think i'm' better.

So i have new classes and its kinda exciting mostly because one of them my finals is eating lettuce yes you read that correctly we're going to eat salad and drink water and judge who's lettuce looks and tastes better and you know you want to take this class. lets see other wise they look pretty good. lots of reading but it should be ok i'm kinda interested this time around wahooo! might hit up the exies tonight in the springs with juls. although i'm hella fucking tired like my eyes are all puffy and droopy and not happy. plus i'm at work by myself which isent supposed to happen but whatever i guess. I'll manage i think i'm going to go get food. but might not i'm not sure what i want and now that i just said that i'm like no. you don't need food so i guess i'm passing yeah i know i'm nuts but its a sign that all is right with the world.

My back hurts from falling the other day. I had a bad day my apartment and i had some words and than my shower attacked and i slipped and fell and my back hurts.

i was up last night watching crazy shit on the history channel which i love because i'm a nerd but yeah i was watching this thing on cults, and than i watched this thing on jonestown. let me tell you people are something else.. time for a history lesson. ready.... go

908 members of the people temple died from poison either taken voluntarily or by injection on november 18 1978 nearly 300 children.. why you ask? because the self proclaimed profit jim jones told them that it was the only way to have peace. there we're however a few survivors who either escaped into the woods or the smart little old lady who hid under her bed.
plus the 10 or so people murdered at the airport including a congressman and several members of NBC. plus the hand full of people in georgetown.
tragic and even more unsettling was the way i couldn't stop watching. i felt i learned something... like no matter what you think you would do you might not do.

cults are fascinating because people actually believe so fully in something that they would kill or be killed for it.
i guess i'm wondering why people believe the things they do or how they went from not believing to believing what changes your mind like that. what makes you going from thinking logically to being so irrational and where did right turn into something so clearly wrong. if your wondering what i'm talking about the segment i watched was on history channel and it was called Jonestown: Paradise Lost.
ok i think i'm done with my bit of history for today but yeah interesting stuff. and by interesting i mean disturbing who needs horror movies and monsters just turn on the history channel.
away~